Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
