I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
