Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
