Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
