1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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