go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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