You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
