I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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