4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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