Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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