i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk is a universal language darling
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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