Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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