Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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