Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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