Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
a search helicopter?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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