Nicole vs. Life
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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