hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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