no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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