how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize