you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
