I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
