Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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