Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
