In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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