they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
