Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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