He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He felt like a one man threesome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i think i just lost a toe
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
