imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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