the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
