It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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