I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
