So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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