You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
