That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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