Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude. I can hear the air.
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