By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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