I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
