when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sext me about skeletons
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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