So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
