we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
