im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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