Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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