Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
