The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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