it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
