I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
