I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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