I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
