Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
