I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize