I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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