I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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