Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
