Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
