I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize