In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
