The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
look no pants
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
