Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He shit in the fireplace
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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