it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
