My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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