My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
