I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
