we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
