Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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