I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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