I just made out with a guy for $7.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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