Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
