he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
