Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
