I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
