Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
