I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
