Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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