Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
