i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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