I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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