someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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