Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
