wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
