I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
