my sisters under your porch take her home
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
