my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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