She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
