Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want a musical about memes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize