did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
