If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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