His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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