I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize