I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
