Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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