put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
