my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this will be a night to untag.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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