I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
