Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
