I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
