so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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