If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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