true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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