Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
