I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
