Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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