Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
