I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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