I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
