You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize